I was terrified of what you’d say.
Yet, I looked for you everywhere!
Prayed for a long time that I’d walk into you.
At the market, the park, the beach, any airport!
Almost thirty years have passed now.
I’d almost given up my resolve.
But, I always knew that it was a matter of time.
Last night, you walked into my dreams.
Wearing that same outfit the morning I let you walk away..
It was a moment in time then, you having to leave..
Me, trying to find any excuse to keep you close.
But, I understood that I needed to let you go.
I couldn’t find a way to anchor my Love.
It wasn’t fair to wait out some unresolved need.
So, I pushed you away, to Him.
I knew he’d take care of you in a way I wouldn’t.
In that dream, our meeting was ephemeral.
And, so I spent the next afternoon frantic.
Chasing your ghost in the machine.
I wasn’t even sure your existence breathed on!
But I can’t seem to let it go.. I want to hear your voice.
…
Why do I need to hear from you?!
Because the simple, caring act of coming to see Me one last time had opened my eyes.
To what I was missing out on. To how much Love you would commit to Me.
And, in that immature moment.
At that time in my young Self.
You were too much to be responsible for.
Such an incredible Gift that you Are!
…
Today I am looking back through the fog of Time.
Realizing that in that singular night, our Last.
In that singular sunrise, when I kissed you goodbye.
Holding back a primal desire to keep you with Me.
You’d shattered the narrative of my Life!
My Time was reset into a new Dawn.
You acted on your Love, quietly, while your heart ached silently.
And, I am so sorry it just took me this Long to realize.
That morning was so much more than a life transition.
I can look back now to recognize that.
From that moment on, Regret would hang itself unto my heart.
…
Thirty years is too long to tell you that I Love You, always!
That I am so fortunate to have shared that moment with you.
And, that I am deeply ashamed and sorry.
For any hurt you Ever had to endure because of Me.
…
I miss All Of YOU!
And, I don’t think a morning has gone by since.
That I don’t wonder ‘What if?!’
How much different my life would Be.
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